Best Ass on the Beach Girl.
This girl must have an entire suitcase of swimsuits. The first time I saw her, she was wearing a triangle top with those bottoms that are skimpier than bikini, but not quite thong. The next day, she was wearing a tankini with the exact same style of bottoms in matching print! I need to consult my Victoria's Secret catalog. She is usually accompanied by a man.
Topless Little Girl Who's a Little Old For That.
I've seen her a few times. She is definitely European. Her long hair is braided in cornrows, one of the services hustled to tourists. She is not older than about eight years. My niece hates wearing tops, and would really love it here. Hey, it's Thailand.
Camera Laden German Tourist.
The Germans seem to love Patong. They always carry huge cameras. I never worry about my crappy camera getting stolen when I'm around the Germans. Four Germans orchestrated an entire photo shoot on the beach, in which they took turns behind the lens, even splaying their legs in the sand to capture the perfect shot.
Old Guy With a Young Guy's Body.
I keep seeing this guy around town. He emerged from the waves just like a model. Actually, it was more like Aphrodite due to his salt and pepper flowing locks. If you don't look at his face or hair, he could pass for 35, probably something he would greatly appreciate if I told him. As I was walking down the street, I saw him sitting in a bar reading the paper. I exclaimed to myself, "OMG! There's Old Guy With a Young Guy's Body!!!"
Babymooning Couple.
I wouldn't dare ask whether or not she's pregnant, but there seems to be several of these couples here. She's wearing a bikini, proudly showing off her baby belly. He's making sure that she's alright before he orders another beer.
Old White Guy With Young Thai Girl.
Several scenarios are at play here. Maybe they met online? Maybe she's a mail order bride? Maybe he was travelling for business, they hit it off, and they're back for a visit? Maybe she's showing him around town? One can only surmise.
Soft Spoken Man/Shrill Voiced Woman Couple.
Every time she comes out of the water, he goes in. Or he goes to get food. Or he goes to take photos. Whatever he's doing to get away from her, she's calling after him, loudly and shrilly.
Naked Baby on the Beach.
Did they forget swim diapers or is this acceptable in nature? It only works until about age three, and the babies seem to love it!
Jet Skiing Novice.
One of my favorites. It's always an overconfident white guy who thinks he's going to speed off just like the Thais do. I'm sure I wouldn't do much better. I love the look on the guy's face when he tumbles off. I was so excited to see a Jet Skiing Novice perform yesterday, but he mounted the jet ski and took off in a straight line! It's like it was his profession, turning and stopping as the natives do. I was impressed!
Surreptitious Ocean Urinator.
C'mon people, it's so obvious. He or she enters the water alone, finds some space, and with a satisfied look on his or her face, stares at the shore. Within moments, he or she exits the water and is back on the beach.
The Vendor.
As you sit on your beach chair, vendors walk by about every ten seconds to hawk their wares. Seriously, you can get almost anything you want. Sunglasses? "How much you pay for Prada?" Aloe vera treatment? Massage? Snacks? Beer? Fresh corn on the cob? Wooden flutes? Wooden toy motorcycles? Silver jewelry? Sarongs? Duffel bags? Beach towels? Henna tattoos? I always smile and politely decline.
I may amend this list as my observations continue. Now, where do I fit in?
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