It snowed in the mountains on Friday night, and we were headed up to Mt. Baldy, located just north of Claremont, California. Once we passed about 4000 feet, the precipitation from the previous night was evident. We had our eyes out for the Mt. Baldy Zen Center, but ended up at the top of the road, near the ski resort. Jeanne and Diane both brought their cell phones, but the service was virtually nonexistent and we weren't able to access a map. We took the opportunity to snap some photos of the freshly fallen snow, then asked for directions.
We arrived at the center, unpacked in our room, and met for orientation. I brought my meditation journal which had been distributed in my meditation class last summer. For numerous reasons, I hadn't written in it since. A death in my family and the seemingly constant rejection from jobs I've applied for provided the perfect fodder for a meditation journal. I'd been so frenetic over the past few weeks. Our breath work began with kapalbhati pranayama, which basically means you are exhaling in quick succession. It is also called breath of fire, most notably in Bikram yoga. It's a cleansing breath that helps rid the body and mind of toxins and negativity. Plenty of that to expel! During our initial practice, I decided on my intention for the weekend: expel the negative energy, refocus, and return with a fresh perspective.
On the itinerary, three hours were slotted for the afternoon hike. We knew we would encounter some snow and intended to stop when we hit San Antonio Falls. The snow was melting quickly, which I experienced firsthand when a large chunk freed itself from a tree branch and slipped down my shirt! Otherwise, it was fascinating to observe the snow melting off the branches and the flecks that survived. We arrived at the Falls and decided to continue up an incline, exploring the trail as we ventured. Pausing at the top to admire the view of Claremont and areas to the south, Jeanne exclaimed, "Look! Look up at the clouds! Trippy..." Diane and I craned our necks upward and sure enough, the clouds were languidly swirling around. "Am I hallucinating?" I asked the others, not that I would know what that's like. I wished that I'd had a blanket on which to stretch out and observe those clouds for hours. Sometimes I wish life would move that slowly, or that we'd take the time to observe cloud swirling.
On Saturday night, Nancy, a reiki master, offered card readings and orb photos on a voluntary basis. I'd never had my tarot cards read, but I soon discovered that she uses angel cards, which are all positive. It seems contradictory to eliminate the prospect of all negativity from a reading, as unfortunate things happen in life, but the angel cards give people hope. Jeanne shared that she had her tarot cards read previously, and the prediction was that she would die a slow, painful death. Now, that's her expectation.
We sat around the yoga room, waiting for our turn, and chatted. Melanie, my meditation and yoga teacher, asked me, "How's the job search going?" I explained how I'd been applying for both faculty and research positions, but wasn't really focusing on one or the other, mostly because I'm interested in and qualified for both areas. I've had some rejections, which are always frustrating, but you have to persevere. I walked out to the foyer where we remove our shoes and hang our coats, and ran into Andrew, one of the other attendees. He handed me a black crystal, which I researched was a tourmaline. I said, "Oh wow! This is beautiful!" I admired it for a few minutes, then handed it back to him. "It's yours. It absorbs negative energy," he offered. "Are you serious? Thank you!" I later read that a black crystal promotes power and confidence, which can combat negativity. I had noticed Andrew listening to my conversation with Melanie, and suddenly realized that I'm either giving off negative energy or appear to be in the process of shedding negative energy. I hoped it was the latter.
It was time for my reading. I entered the small cabin where Nancy was stationed. "Have you ever had your tarot cards read?" she enquired. I told her I hadn't, so she explained the angel cards. Despite their claim to avoid the negative, I couldn't help but imagine, by some stroke of bad luck, that I would receive devastating news. "Would you like a past, present, future reading, or do you want to ask a question in your mind?" she began. I pondered to myself, "I know what happened in the past, I know what's happening in the present, and I'm working on the future." I replied that I'd ask a question. I began to summon my question. "Will I get a job?" That's a stupid question. Of course I'll get a job. It just might not be the job I want. I quickly modified it. "What does the immediate future hold?" Nancy shuffled the cards, unintentionally imitating a blackjack dealer. She drew two cards. The first one said friendship. "You have a friend who is counting on you right now." Correct! I have a friend who is experiencing a hurdle in her marriage, and we discuss it often. The second one said spiritual guidance. "Your friend is counting on you for guidance." Correct again! I feel like my friend values what I say and the advice I administer. I know this seems like a general reading. Most of us have friends who count on us for guidance, but at the moment, I was troubled by my friend's struggles. She and I stayed up late texting the previous evening, and it was weighing on my mind.
Nancy shuffled the cards again. "I want to give you one more card. Since you are helping your friend, this card is exclusively for you." I squirmed in anticipation of its revealing. FOCUS!! How could she have drawn a more appropriate card? "You're being pulled in too many directions right now and need to focus on one thing." Again, most people are in this same situation: too many things to accomplish and not enough time. My problem is I have plenty of time, but I like to dabble in different activities, without focusing on just one. I always tell myself that's why I'm not a professional athlete. For the past four months, I've focused on writing articles, organizing and editing my trip photos, scrapbooking, reading, yoga, AND finding a job. I enjoy my activities, but I know the job search must take precedence. My activities will be there waiting for me.
The reading was over and it was time for the orb photos. Nancy extinguished the light and told me to sit still on the bed. I closed my eyes and she took several shots. She turned on the lights and we studied the photos. While she was taking the photos, my mind had drifted to my recently deceased uncle. One photo featured a glowing orb in the foreground. Nancy explained, "I see a man's face here. He's an older man, maybe a grandfather or an uncle." I stared at the orb in astonishment. It was saturated with a mixture of my favorite color, which is purple, and his favorite color, which is blue. How comforting and sweet! Maybe he is guiding me along this journey.
Sunday morning, I woke up early for Gina's yoga class. Gina always focuses on parts of your body you would never think to stretch. We dedicated time to individually pulling each one of our fingers back to release the cramping caused by computer work. At breakfast, silence was requested as we savored each morsel of food and practiced mindful eating. I can't say I enjoyed this activity. Since I'm an introvert and eat most of my meals in silence anyway, I delight in the time spent with others and want to chat with them. Nonetheless, I followed directions. The day was rounded out with seva (service) to the center, which was in the form of cleaning the women's restroom for Jeanne and me. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I'm leading up to the best meal of the entire weekend. Our lunch consisted of all of my favorite foods: tomato and feta salad, lentil soup, and homemade hummus. I must praise the Center on their cooking. All of the meals were vegetarian and perfectly seasoned. What a perfect meal to end a perfect retreat!
Sometimes we need to completely detach from the familiar to realize our next step. On my Australia trip, I thought I would figure everything out, but then I returned and had to adjust to this lifestyle again. Every step is an adjustment, and we must be patient with ourselves.
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| At the top of Mt. Baldy Road, where we stopped to ask for directions. |
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| Snapseed edit on this one, but the sky seemed that blue. |
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| The path from our cabin to the common areas. |
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| Look closely, and you can actually see the clouds swirling. |
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| Buddha, who guided us back to the cabin late at night. |
