Phi Phi La La

In my scrambling to fit in everything I wanted to do on Phuket, and because of weather delays, I finally booked a tour to Ko Phi Phi (pronounced pee-pee...I worked with sixth graders for way too long!) I noticed that my hotel had some brochures on day trips to the islands, so I asked the concierge about Phi Phi Island. It is supposed to be breathtaking, with turquoise waters, and it's where The Beach was filmed, one of my favorite movies. The concierge said, "You want to go to Pee Pee?" A million responses ran through my mind. (Okay, I'll stop now with the pee pee jokes.) The flyer said 2900 baht, but she said the hotel gets a discounted price of 1400 baht. That discount seemed a little extreme, but I trusted her. The day includes a pickup at the hotel, transport to the port in Phuket, ferry service to the islands, lunch, snorkeling, drinking water, then transport back to your doorstep. Great deal! I gave her my 1400 baht and she booked the trip for the next day.

The next morning, the driver picked me up and I joined a van full of other tourists. I was the last pick up since my hotel is the furthest away from the beach. It was dark inside the van, so I couldn't see the others too well. A group of guys in the back yelled, "Good morning!!!" I returned the greeting, a little less exuberantly. In the front seat next to the driver sat a tall guy in his late 20s, with his head shaved except for the top, which was pulled back in a rubber band. In the next row, there was an amorous couple of Asian descent and a woman who was leaning against the window, taking her morning nap and mumbling in her sleep. I sat in the next row, next to an oblivious girl who was listening to her noise canceling headphones. The two rows behind me held the guys who had greeted me.

We set off on our drive to Phuket Town, about 30 minutes away. The guys were talking loudly, though pleasantly. I'm usually adept at identifying languages, but this one I couldn't place. I didn't want to turn around and look at them. That would have made it too easy. Russian? I've encountered many Russians here in Thailand, but it didn't sound quite right. Arabic? It contained some guttural sounds. French? I thought I heard the word "travaille", and you would think after a major in French I'd have the skills to detect that one. Italian? They were stressing certain words that reminded me of an Italian accent. One of them turned on some music and started clapping and singing. I thought, "These guys are fun. I must hang out with them today!"

We arrived at Phuket Town port, where several bus loads of tourists were corralled into one area to wait for the boat. We were handed a ribbon to tie on our wrist, so our group could be identified by color. Mine was turquoise. I was impressed that I could tie the ribbon on independently. I looked around, as others were tying the ribbons for each other. I thought, "Wow! I really can do anything!"

One of the group leaders introduced himself as "LaLa" and told us to gather round for a few instructions. "Hallo ladies, gentlemen, lady boys!!!! Listen to me!" This was going to be a fun day! We dispersed into our groups and turquoise went first. One of the pink group members got mixed up in our group. LaLa took his rented snorkeling fin, smacked him on the behind with it, and told him to find his own group!

Boarding the boat, I realized that the guys from the bus were in my group. Yes! About 50 people boarded onto a speed boat with a sun tarp on top, two long benches at the sides, and small rows in the middle. LaLa gave us a few more instructions on safety, but the guys were chatting and playing music on their phone. "You five! I can leave you here! So...SHUT UP!" LaLa would make an excellent teacher. At this point, I was disenchanted with the guys and abandoned the idea of hanging out with them.

After about an hour, we arrived at our first stop, Maya Bay, where most of The Beach was filmed. It was crowded and inundated with tourists, so much that you couldn't get a clear shot of the bay. LaLa said it only became popular after the movie was released. I tried to imagine what it would look like deserted. We had 35 minutes to explore and take photos. 

We made a couple more stops to view the "emerald water", that definitely lived up to its name. Then it was time for lunch at "Long Beach". We all sat together in a large hall and quickly ate from a buffet that had Thai food as well as spaghetti! After lunch, I walked around and ran into two of the guys. They asked me to take their photo, and they took mine for me. I asked them where they were from. Israel, they replied. Hebrew! That's why I couldn't understand their language in the van. I don't hear Hebrew very often. "You are...with...someone....or...you..." one of the guys struggled in English. "Alone?" I said. "Yes, I'm alone." They seemed perplexed by this notion.

Again, we boarded the boat, and finally reached our last stop at Khai Nai Island. It had been a long journey, and some people had fallen asleep after lunch. LaLa said, "Wake up! Wake up! Or I will kiss you! If you like to drink, this island is for you! Beer...whiskey...Mai Thais...not free! I give you Coca Cola, water, and fruit for free at my table. If you want beer or whiskey for free, you come to my room tonight. Men only...no lady!!!" What a character! I was laughing hysterically.

Some people swam, some people snorkeled, but I chose to stay on the beach in the shade since I had a headache. LaLa started rounding us up just before 4:30. Everyone had boarded the boat...except the five Israeli guys! LaLa said, "I said 4:30. It's 4:34 now. You not here, I leave you," and the boat driver took off. I couldn't believe it. Go, LaLa!

As we arrived at the port at Phuket, LaLa said, "I know some of you worry about those five guys we leave behind. They are very rich. They have private boat come pick them up on the island." Dammit! I knew I should have hung out with them. I could have some new rich Israeli friends.

Reasons why I liked LaLa:

1) He didn't care what other people thought.

2) He kept his word.

3) He was the most entertaining part of the trip!