Farewell, Thailand

NOTE:  Direct quotes are used in this blog entry, as best as my memory serves.  These direct quotes, especially from non-English speakers, are not meant to offend.  They are only meant to preserve the authenticity of the interaction.

I only stayed in Patong for three weeks, but it felt like an eternity. I'd made some friends and wanted to bid all of them farewell. My first stop of the day was my usual beach spot. Nora, my favorite foot masseuse, saw me coming and ran over. "Victoria from America!" I was settled into my beach chair by my favorite servers. "Chair, towel, and Singha."

Nora and I chatted as she worked her magic. "Victoria, I see you around. You always happy and smiling. That make you beautiful." What a sweet compliment! Because it's Thailand, I know she's sincere. Nora's worked as a masseuse for over 30 years and was born in Patong. Her sister works with her, and they are two of eleven children. Her daughter works at a hotel nearby and her son works in IT on Phuket Island. "He helps me on the computer," she said. "When you come back, Victoria? Next year?" I wondered if people really did return year after year, or if it was a saying that was passed around. "I hope next year," I told her. "Don't forget me," she warned. "I could never forget you, Nora!"

Even though I saw a rat at 1-2-3 Restaurant, I decided to return. The people were so friendly and I hadn't suffered any ill effects from my previous visit. Plus, they prepare the best papaya salad. During my first visit, I was afraid 1-2-3 might represent Eat-Toilet-Die. The Los Angeles County Health Inspector would probably grade it with an "F", but it's those secret ingredients that make a dish so tasty. Americans are obsessed with cleanliness, too. I always tell people that's what they will notice about America. As I approached, the servers waved and smiled. I sat outside this time, decreasing the likelihood I'd see another rat. I ordered the papaya salad again, one of their veggie dishes, and a large, commemorative Singha. "Large?" the server asked, aghast. Why does this surprise everyone? You get a better value for your money and you don't have to bother the server if you want seconds. In Thailand, every beer is served in a coozie anyway, so there's no risk of warm beer. They brought me a complimentary, traditional Thai dessert of watermelon and pineapple, and we parted ways. "When you come back? Next year?" Once again. Maybe they all want ME to return next year?

Much of my journal writing and blog prep was completed at Segafredo at Banana Walk, located right on Beach Road. I also liked going there because they play Rhianna's Greatest Hits every single day. Most of her songs really are catchy! I walked in, ordered my favorite Iced Mezzo Mezzo, and told the girls it was my last night in Patong. "Oh no!" said the barista. After making my drink, we took a photo, and she came over to sit on the sofa opposite from me. I love Thailand for this reason exactly: everyone treats you like you're an old friend. We chatted, but her accent was so strong and Rhianna was so blaring that it was difficult to piece together the conversation. I showed her some of my photos from Bangkok and northern Thailand. She said she loves Chiang Mai, as most people do, and was shocked at my photos with the lady boys in Bangkok. "They were really nice people," I said. She gave me a big hug and asked if I would return next year. I'm not kidding. They all asked me that. "I hope I can return next year," I assured her. Just then a torrential downpour commenced. "You cannot leave now!" she chided.

I strolled slowly along Bangla Road and Rat-U-Thit Road, purchasing a few souvenirs along the way. I took in every sight of luring restaurant hosts, every smell of fish water in the gutter, and every sound of competing tuk tuk drivers' music, as I knew I probably wouldn't hear them again "next year". I'll return as soon as I am financially able, and hopefully my new friends will remember me.

Nora, my favorite foot masseuse

My last meal in Thailand

Coffee buddies

Rat-U-Thit Road

Phi Phi La La

In my scrambling to fit in everything I wanted to do on Phuket, and because of weather delays, I finally booked a tour to Ko Phi Phi (pronounced pee-pee...I worked with sixth graders for way too long!) I noticed that my hotel had some brochures on day trips to the islands, so I asked the concierge about Phi Phi Island. It is supposed to be breathtaking, with turquoise waters, and it's where The Beach was filmed, one of my favorite movies. The concierge said, "You want to go to Pee Pee?" A million responses ran through my mind. (Okay, I'll stop now with the pee pee jokes.) The flyer said 2900 baht, but she said the hotel gets a discounted price of 1400 baht. That discount seemed a little extreme, but I trusted her. The day includes a pickup at the hotel, transport to the port in Phuket, ferry service to the islands, lunch, snorkeling, drinking water, then transport back to your doorstep. Great deal! I gave her my 1400 baht and she booked the trip for the next day.

The next morning, the driver picked me up and I joined a van full of other tourists. I was the last pick up since my hotel is the furthest away from the beach. It was dark inside the van, so I couldn't see the others too well. A group of guys in the back yelled, "Good morning!!!" I returned the greeting, a little less exuberantly. In the front seat next to the driver sat a tall guy in his late 20s, with his head shaved except for the top, which was pulled back in a rubber band. In the next row, there was an amorous couple of Asian descent and a woman who was leaning against the window, taking her morning nap and mumbling in her sleep. I sat in the next row, next to an oblivious girl who was listening to her noise canceling headphones. The two rows behind me held the guys who had greeted me.

We set off on our drive to Phuket Town, about 30 minutes away. The guys were talking loudly, though pleasantly. I'm usually adept at identifying languages, but this one I couldn't place. I didn't want to turn around and look at them. That would have made it too easy. Russian? I've encountered many Russians here in Thailand, but it didn't sound quite right. Arabic? It contained some guttural sounds. French? I thought I heard the word "travaille", and you would think after a major in French I'd have the skills to detect that one. Italian? They were stressing certain words that reminded me of an Italian accent. One of them turned on some music and started clapping and singing. I thought, "These guys are fun. I must hang out with them today!"

We arrived at Phuket Town port, where several bus loads of tourists were corralled into one area to wait for the boat. We were handed a ribbon to tie on our wrist, so our group could be identified by color. Mine was turquoise. I was impressed that I could tie the ribbon on independently. I looked around, as others were tying the ribbons for each other. I thought, "Wow! I really can do anything!"

One of the group leaders introduced himself as "LaLa" and told us to gather round for a few instructions. "Hallo ladies, gentlemen, lady boys!!!! Listen to me!" This was going to be a fun day! We dispersed into our groups and turquoise went first. One of the pink group members got mixed up in our group. LaLa took his rented snorkeling fin, smacked him on the behind with it, and told him to find his own group!

Boarding the boat, I realized that the guys from the bus were in my group. Yes! About 50 people boarded onto a speed boat with a sun tarp on top, two long benches at the sides, and small rows in the middle. LaLa gave us a few more instructions on safety, but the guys were chatting and playing music on their phone. "You five! I can leave you here! So...SHUT UP!" LaLa would make an excellent teacher. At this point, I was disenchanted with the guys and abandoned the idea of hanging out with them.

After about an hour, we arrived at our first stop, Maya Bay, where most of The Beach was filmed. It was crowded and inundated with tourists, so much that you couldn't get a clear shot of the bay. LaLa said it only became popular after the movie was released. I tried to imagine what it would look like deserted. We had 35 minutes to explore and take photos. 

We made a couple more stops to view the "emerald water", that definitely lived up to its name. Then it was time for lunch at "Long Beach". We all sat together in a large hall and quickly ate from a buffet that had Thai food as well as spaghetti! After lunch, I walked around and ran into two of the guys. They asked me to take their photo, and they took mine for me. I asked them where they were from. Israel, they replied. Hebrew! That's why I couldn't understand their language in the van. I don't hear Hebrew very often. "You are...with...someone....or...you..." one of the guys struggled in English. "Alone?" I said. "Yes, I'm alone." They seemed perplexed by this notion.

Again, we boarded the boat, and finally reached our last stop at Khai Nai Island. It had been a long journey, and some people had fallen asleep after lunch. LaLa said, "Wake up! Wake up! Or I will kiss you! If you like to drink, this island is for you! Beer...whiskey...Mai Thais...not free! I give you Coca Cola, water, and fruit for free at my table. If you want beer or whiskey for free, you come to my room tonight. Men only...no lady!!!" What a character! I was laughing hysterically.

Some people swam, some people snorkeled, but I chose to stay on the beach in the shade since I had a headache. LaLa started rounding us up just before 4:30. Everyone had boarded the boat...except the five Israeli guys! LaLa said, "I said 4:30. It's 4:34 now. You not here, I leave you," and the boat driver took off. I couldn't believe it. Go, LaLa!

As we arrived at the port at Phuket, LaLa said, "I know some of you worry about those five guys we leave behind. They are very rich. They have private boat come pick them up on the island." Dammit! I knew I should have hung out with them. I could have some new rich Israeli friends.

Reasons why I liked LaLa:

1) He didn't care what other people thought.

2) He kept his word.

3) He was the most entertaining part of the trip!

Something New

I woke up with a start and thought, "Is today already Thursday?" I checked my phone and learned it was only Wednesday. I was scheduled to leave Thailand in less than a week and still had several activities on my agenda. Where had the last two weeks gone? It reminded me of my Kilimanjaro summit. I knew I was walking from midnight to 6:00 A.M., but don't remember most of it. Have I been lying on the beach for the past two weeks continuously in a catatonic state? Have I been sitting in the same cafe drinking iced coffee? Or worse, have I been dodging tuk tuks and motorcyclists, attempting to cross the street, for the past two weeks? The doctors can consult my daily written journal after I'm committed to find out these answers.

Time was ticking away, so I consulted my map and a couple of websites. I'd previously hesitated about travelling too far outside of Patong because of the cost of the tuk tuk ride, but really needed a change of scenery. I decided Karon Beach wouldn't be too far away, and found a typical tuk tuk fare of 200 baht online.

I walked down the street until I saw a tuk tuk driver coming out of a convenience store. He smiled and I asked, "Karon Beach? How much?" He replied, "300 baht." I said exasperatedly, "Hmm...no...250?" "Okay, 250," and I hopped in the back. 

The drive from Patong to Karon is scenic, through the lush, verdant hills. I recognized it as the same route I travelled when I visited the Garden (see The Secret Garden post). The driver dropped me off in a central parking area close to the beach. I handed him the 250 baht and said, "Thank you. Have a nice day!" He flashed his smile again and said, "You have a nice day!" People are so happy here.

I walked south down the main road, with the beach on my right and a row of restaurants and shops on my left. I thought I'd find a toilet before settling down for a few hours, and I stumbled upon an elegantly decorated al fresco restaurant called Vitaporn. There are always a couple of hosts out front to greet you as you walk by and ask if you've eaten yet. The host said, "Hallo, Madam!" I said, "Um, toilet only." "Yes, of course," as I was escorted practically into the stall. Upon exiting, I said, "I'll come back to eat."

After about three hours under my umbrella, I was getting hungry, so I walked back to the restaurant. There he was, ready to greet me again. "Welcome back, Madam!" I was seated, looked at the menu, and couldn't believe the affordability of this restaurant. I ordered a papaya salad, chicken pad thai, and a soda water. When my mountain of food arrived, I spent several minutes photographing its beauty and detail. That's one thing about the Thais. They don't spare any detail when it comes to presentation. It's always intricate and perfect. I finished most of my food and was craving a coffee, but remembered I needed to save at least 250 baht for the tuk tuk home. I figured the bill would total around 400 baht, but amazingly it was only 265 baht. That's less than nine USD! Incredible. 

I decided to forgo the coffee anyway in favor of walking around. I walked further down the main road, took some sunset photos from a new vantage point, then stumbled upon a night market. I thought I might return, bringing more cash with me next time.

It was dark and time to head back to Patong, so I attempted to hail a tuk tuk. They were all occupied, so I went to the tuk tuk stand and showed the driver the location card my hotel provided. He said, "500 baht." I said, "It was only 250 to get here!" He realized my naïveté and said, "More traffic now. Takes too long to Patong," and wasn't interested in negotiating. I walked away, slightly panicking about how I would get home. There was no way I could walk through those hills at night and I wasn't even sure  of the route. I furtively checked my cash and had 300 baht in 100 notes and a few 20 notes. I really didn't want to pay much more than 300. I chuckled to myself, "This tuk tuk ride is going to cost more than my entire dinner!"

I walked back and forth down the street, trying to hail a tuk tuk. They were still occupied, as it was dinner time and people were heading out to shop. I found a shopping street with several tuk tuks lined up. I thought, "Maybe it would be cheaper if I said to drop me off at Bang La Road. I usually walk home from there anyway and it's closer to Karon." I discussed it with the first tuk tuk driver, a woman. She said, "400 baht." That was better, but still more than I wanted to pay. I tried to negotiate to no avail, then walked away. She yelled down the entire row of tuk tuks, "Bang La Road!!! 400 baht!!!" which essentially prevented me from trying to negotiate with any other driver. The nerve!

I started getting teary, but then pulled myself together to review my options. I could try to find a cheap room someplace, but I still wasn't sure I had enough to pay for it. I could call the girls at the hotel and ask them for help. Maybe they could negotiate with the tuk tuk driver in Thai, promising that I would pay them when I got back to the hotel. I know it sounds irresponsible that I didn't have enough money, but for safety reasons, I leave my large cash withdrawal from the ATM, along with my ATM card, in the safe at the hotel. It hadn't been a problem for the past two weeks.

I walked a few streets away from where the tuk tuks were in cahoots, and hailed another driver. He said, "400 baht to Patong." He had a friendly demeanor, so I said, "320?" and gave him a sad face. He imitated my sad face and said, "400. Lots of traffic, then I drive back in traffic." Understandable, but I kept trying to negotiate in increments of 20 baht. I finally checked my cash again. I DID have five 20 notes, so I just gave in. "Okay, 400," and I hopped in the back. I peeked in my wallet and realized I had to give him every single note I had. I didn't even have enough for a bottle of water! We arrived at Bang La Road, I gave him the 400 baht, he cheerily accepted it, and I started my 30 minute walk back to the hotel from there.

Several lessons were learned with this incident:

1) Always carry more than enough cash.

2) Tuk tuk drivers will not negotiate at rush hour.

3) "Sad face" doesn't always work.

LML

I don't think I've ever uttered the phrase "I love my life." Life was always an existence. You go to work, spend time with your family and friends, pursue your hobbies, plan for your future. It was never about enjoying the moment. It was always about survival and essentially materialism. You have to work to afford your house, your car, your bills, food to eat. I've compiled 10 reasons why I can say I love my life right now. They may seem trivial, but when you abandon complication, that's all that remains.

1) Sink Laundry.

Two of my most cherished possessions are my washer and dryer. I paid for them myself and they represent convenience. I haven't had access to a washer and dryer in Thailand, and I don't like other people handling my clothes. The solution has been sink laundry. It's so easy. My pattern has been to throw a load in the sink with some shampoo, let it soak while I eat breakfast, squeeze out the excess water with a towel, and the clothes are dry by the following morning. You always have clean clothes!

2) The Beach.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not a beach person. However, there's something about sitting on the beach and listening to the waves that is soothing. It's probably also the exotic nature of Thailand, as well as the drink service.

3) Beach Decorum.

Anything goes on the beach in Thailand. It's not a display of everyone's workout results. People come here to enjoy the beach on their vacation. That's it. All types of bodies are welcome. Maybe I'll give that thong bikini a try...

4) One Room Living.

I just packed up and moved out of my two bedroom condo. Well, my sister did most of the packing. I told myself I'd never have another office nor a home with ample storage. If it's not displayed, donate it. When you're living in hotel rooms or Airbnb rooms, your space is obviously limited. Your only possessions are what you've brought, and you have no other options.

5) Room Service.

It sounds so extravagant. When I was told breakfast was included in my $30 per night room, I assumed it would be in a dining room. There is no dining room at The Artist House, so breakfast is delivered to your room. I even explained and successfully received egg whites.

6) Humidity.

Southern California is a dry climate, and I laugh whenever anyone claims it's humid. After travelling to the Amazon, I know humid. Thailand is a tropical country, which accounts for much of its beauty, so you endure the humidity. The positive result of humidity is fresh, dewy, radiant skin.

7) I'm a "Regular".

 I attempted to try a new restaurant every day, but I did amass my favorites. Very few places exist where you can sit and relax in the air conditioning, so that means ordering a coffee or snack. The baristas at Starbucks and Segafredo know my preferred drinks (green tea latte & iced mezzo mezzo).

8) Limited Wardrobe.

As mentioned above, I just packed up my entire house. I mean my sister did. I packed up plastic bins full of work clothes and winter clothes, as well as summer clothes that I would not take on this trip. I even have a few suitcases in my mom's garage that are filled with clothes. All this packing was done after sorting and donating TEN bags of clothes. It's almost a relief to be limited to the few outfits I currently have in my suitcase. Actually, I had only packed for three weeks and had to stretch it into six weeks.

9) Detachment.

I like to keep up with people on Facebook when I'm back at the hotel on the wifi, but it's cathartic to leave my phone in the hotel safe during the day. I've found that I'm not always looking for a "free wifi" sign, and I concentrate on other activities such as journal writing, blog ideas, reading, or meditation.

10) Not Teaching.

I don't hate teaching, but when your life becomes routine, you have to make a change. You spend the most time at your job, so that's where I decided to make the first change. I tried unsuccessfully to obtain a new job and I even tried to volunteer my services as an English teacher here in Thailand. I guess a PhD in Education and 15 years of teaching English Learners didn't qualify me. Then I thought if I really wanted to teach, I would find a way to make it happen. I don't want to be a teacher. What a revelation!

My fear is that I will collapse back into the mindset of routine existence. My challenge is to discover how to combat that collapse. 

Ride of My Life

I can't laud Overseas Adventure Travel enough. Discover Thailand was my fourth trip with them. After taking three trips with the company, you are inducted into the Sir Edmund Hillary Club for frequent travellers. That means that you get a little extra attention from your trip leader, among other perks. When I made the decision to extend my stay in Thailand, I asked my trip leader, Vit, what he thought. Of course, he was pleased that I wanted to see more of Thailand and said that he'd call the local Qantas office for me to change the flight. (Read Scavenger Hunt in Bangkok for the second half of this story.)

We had an afternoon at leisure after touring Bangkok all morning, so some of us walked over to the Silom Complex mall on Silom Road and Rama IV. Vit said that would be a good time to call Qantas and we could look up the info on his iPad as well. He called for me, but after learning that the change of date would cost $200, I told him I'd think about it and deal with it later.

We started walking back to our hotel, The Tawana, which was only a few blocks away on Surawong Road. Vit asked, "Would you like to take a motorcycle taxi back to the hotel?" I hesitated for a moment and he said, "It will be a cultural experience for you. And faster." My hesitation was rooted in recalling what Vit had told us about motorcycle taxis a few days prior. Yes, he said they are fast and convenient, but he also said that no one wears a helmet, though the law requires it. Some of the drivers carry a helmet for their passengers, but it's the same helmet for everyone. Vit said people usually line the helmet in plastic or wear a shower cap. All the elementary school teacher in me could think was: a) Why haven't I collected the shower caps from our hotels? b) HEAD LICE!!!   

As I was ruminating about where I might find some RID in Thailand, we approached an apparent biker gang, smoking and hanging out in front of 7-11. I walked closer to Vit, then realized that these guys were the taxi drivers, with not one helmet in sight. Before I could say anything, he told them our destination, hopped on the back of one of the bikes, and motioned for me to do the same. I thought we'd ride the same bike back to the hotel! I don't know how, but if a family of four can do it, I thought we'd manage. Picture this: the dad is driving, the older child is standing up in front holding onto the handlebars, and the mom is sitting behind the dad, holding their newborn baby. It sounds crazy to an American, but it's a perfectly acceptable norm here. I couldn't imagine my niece or nephew calmly riding a motorcycle. It's just how the Thai kids are raised.

"You okay?" Vit asked. "I guess, but how do you hold on?" He didn't hear my question, and his motorcycle sped off. I called after him, "Am I supposed to hug him???!!!" The driver looked at me amusingly and motioned to the seat. These motorcycles aren't Harleys. They are sleek, with no compartment on the back, nothing to lean against. Similar to a scooter, but more powerful and with larger tires. I inspected the seat and wasn't sure where to step to get on. The driver seemed a bit impatient, so I just stepped up on some part and hopped on. Now, do I hug him??? I scooted up close to him so I wouldn't balance on the edge of the seat, and felt around for the bar that contours the back of the seat. I guess that's what I'll hold on to! We took off. "Okay, this isn't so bad," I said to myself. "No cars around...quite unusual for Bangkok." Then we arrived at Surawong and a traffic jam. I knew what was coming. I squeezed my legs together as hard as I could, but noticed that my driver's legs were still wider. Good. I held onto the seat bar as tightly as possible, thinking my white knuckled grip would be painful later. The driver darted in between cars, buses, taxis, tuk tuks, and for a moment I understood the exhilaration that accompanies motorcycle riding! Just when I was feeling slightly at ease, we arrived at the hotel. Vit was waiting on the curb, smiling. "So, how was it?" I hopped off and fumbled around in my bag for the 30 baht payment, hands shaking. Vit handed the driver the money, as I'm sure he couldn't wait to take off. "Scary, but exciting," I said, finally rounding up 30 baht to repay Vit. "Cultural experience!" he said.

Trust was the evident theme here. I knew Vit would never put me in any danger and I just had to go with it. I've been tempted to hire another motorcycle taxi for a short distance around town, but I think once was enough.

The Price of a Towel

I've never really been a beach person, not because I abhor the beach in any way. I have light skin that burns easily, and it wasn't part of my upbringing. Plus, my dermatologist told me to wear sunscreen and stay out of the sun, unless I want to die. She put it more eloquently. Now I've found myself in a vacation spot where the main activity is lying on the beach. I thought I'd give it a shot, with sunscreen of course.

I don't read guidebooks when I travel. I might look up some info online, and I definitely school myself in the customs and etiquette of the culture. It's akin to reading student placement cards before you meet the student. If you have someone else's perspective in your head, the ability to form your own opinion is impacted. I rely on observation to acquire the most knowledge of a new place. My first full day in Patong was spent scoping out the beach situation. Do you have to pay to use a chair? Will they provide a towel for you? The concierge at my hotel didn't know the answers to these questions, so I set out for the beach without a cumbersome towel.

The chairs and umbrellas on the beach look as though they are all run by the same operation, but in fact, every few hundred feet is a new enterprise. I found a chair with an unobstructed view of the water and sat down. Out of nowhere, just like Emilio from Mr. Deeds, a server (not sure what they're called, but I'll call them servers since they bring you drinks) appeared and asked if I needed a chair. "Yes, please. May I rent a towel too?" He replied, "Chair 100 baht. Towel 50 baht." Wow, a pretty cheap day! That's about 4.50 USD. 

With this first positive beach experience under my belt, I set out again the next day. I walked farther down the beach this time, possibly for a different experience. There are probably at least 10-15 different chair sections along Patong Beach. A server approached me before I could even sit down. He found me a chair in the front row and set up my umbrella. I started to unpack and asked to rent a towel. "100 baht," he replied. I said, "They only charge 50 down there," I said, pointing to my previous station. He shrugged his shoulders and said again, "100 baht." I said, "No, thank you," and left. What really surprised me is that he didn't even try to negotiate! Usually, when you walk away during a business deal, they will lower the price for you. I know 50 baht doesn't seem like too much of a difference, but when you're on a limited budget, it could amount to a beer or a few bottles of water.

I continued to the next station, where the server approached me. This time, before I got settled, I asked, "How much for a chair and towel?" "180 baht." You're kidding me! I said, "No, thank you," and kept walking. He called after me, "170 baht plus one free bottle of water!" I kept walking and he didn't persist.

At the next station, I started the negotiation. "How much for a chair and a towel?" "150 baht," he answered as he wrote it in the sand. "Great!" and I gave him a thumbs up. Whew, I was exhausted. I gave him a 20 baht tip and he was very attentive, adjusting my umbrella whenever the sun moved and closing it for the one hour of sun exposure I allotted myself.

Negotiation may seem like a lot of work, but personally, I think it's fun. It's expected in this culture, and can forge a friendly interaction with the native people. If you are negotiating with someone who is selling handicrafts for their own profit, just remember that they are only trying to feed their family. It's customary not to offer more than 30 percent below the original price. Bring your calculator!

Archetypal Patong

Patong Beach is as hedonistic as they come, with another street of bars everywhere you turn and a beach full of pleasure seekers. In other words, it's an excellent people watching location. After only a few days on a beach lounger, I've compiled a list of the Patong Beach archetypes.

Best Ass on the Beach Girl.

This girl must have an entire suitcase of swimsuits. The first time I saw her, she was wearing a triangle top with those bottoms that are skimpier than bikini, but not quite thong. The next day, she was wearing a tankini with the exact same style of bottoms in matching print! I need to consult my Victoria's Secret catalog. She is usually accompanied by a man.

Topless Little Girl Who's a Little Old For That.

I've seen her a few times. She is definitely European. Her long hair is braided in cornrows, one of the services hustled to tourists. She is not older than about eight years. My niece hates wearing tops, and would really love it here. Hey, it's Thailand.

Camera Laden German Tourist.

The Germans seem to love Patong. They always carry huge cameras. I never worry about my crappy camera getting stolen when I'm around the Germans. Four Germans orchestrated an entire photo shoot on the beach, in which they took turns behind the lens, even splaying their legs in the sand to capture the perfect shot.

Old Guy With a Young Guy's Body.

I keep seeing this guy around town. He emerged from the waves just like a model. Actually, it was more like Aphrodite due to his salt and pepper flowing locks. If you don't look at his face or hair, he could pass for 35, probably something he would greatly appreciate if I told him. As I was walking down the street, I saw him sitting in a bar reading the paper. I exclaimed to myself, "OMG! There's Old Guy With a Young Guy's Body!!!"

Babymooning Couple.

I wouldn't dare ask whether or not she's pregnant, but there seems to be several of these couples here. She's wearing a bikini, proudly showing off her baby belly. He's making sure that she's alright before he orders another beer.

Old White Guy With Young Thai Girl.

Several scenarios are at play here. Maybe they met online? Maybe she's a mail order bride? Maybe he was travelling for business, they hit it off, and they're back for a visit? Maybe she's showing him around town? One can only surmise.

Soft Spoken Man/Shrill Voiced Woman Couple.

Every time she comes out of the water, he goes in. Or he goes to get food. Or he goes to take photos. Whatever he's doing to get away from her, she's calling after him, loudly and shrilly.

Naked Baby on the Beach.

Did they forget swim diapers or is this acceptable in nature? It only works until about age three, and the babies seem to love it!

Jet Skiing Novice.

One of my favorites. It's always an overconfident white guy who thinks he's going to speed off just like the Thais do. I'm sure I wouldn't do much better. I love the look on the guy's face when he tumbles off. I was so excited to see a Jet Skiing Novice perform yesterday, but he mounted the jet ski and took off in a straight line! It's like it was his profession, turning and stopping as the natives do. I was impressed!

Surreptitious Ocean Urinator.

C'mon people, it's so obvious. He or she enters the water alone, finds some space, and with a satisfied look on his or her face, stares at the shore. Within moments, he or she exits the water and is back on the beach.

The Vendor.

As you sit on your beach chair, vendors walk by about every ten seconds to hawk their wares. Seriously, you can get almost anything you want. Sunglasses? "How much you pay for Prada?" Aloe vera treatment? Massage? Snacks? Beer? Fresh corn on the cob? Wooden flutes? Wooden toy motorcycles? Silver jewelry? Sarongs? Duffel bags? Beach towels? Henna tattoos? I always smile and politely decline.

I may amend this list as my observations continue. Now, where do I fit in?

The Secret Garden

Part of the fun of travelling alone is designing your itinerary for the day. Since I severely burnt my legs at the beach two days ago, that activity was out of the question. Less than an hour in the sun and my legs are burnt! I scanned the map for an intellectually stimulating activity. The Phuket Botanic Garden sounded promising, so I researched the website and looked up the typical taxi fare since it is outside of Patong and not walkable. Tip: Always know a ballpark figure for taxi and tuk tuk drivers in Thailand.

I discovered that the fare should be around 500 baht (about 15 USD...100 baht equals about 3 USD), which I confirmed with the concierge at my hotel. I walked along and hailed a tuk tuk. I'm newly skilled at hailing taxis, tuk tuks, and even buses, which you must do in Australia if you want them to stop for you. The driver stopped, I told him where I wanted to go, and he stared at me blankly. I said, "Map?", which he produced. I found my destination on the map and asked, "How much?" "600 baht," was his immediate response. "600!!!" I said, "500?" and smiled politely. "Okay." And we were off.

I noticed that he was driving in the opposite direction from where I thought the garden was located. The map was up front in the cab with him and I cursed myself for not bringing my own. You see, in Patong, the tuk tuks are designed with a driver's cab in the front with a glass partition. The back consists of two rows of seats and no door. Luckily, there are bars to hold on to. Actually, I think that vehicle is called a songthaew...hard to keep them all straight.

Soon we were at the beach, then further south toward Karon Beach. I was trying to stay calm and assure myself that he knew where he was going, as this is his job and his country. We arrived at a town called Chalong, which I remembered from the map, but didn't think the Garden was there. We turned down a deserted road and I started getting panicky again. Suddenly...hallelujah...I saw a sign for the Garden with an arrow in the direction we were headed.

We arrived and I was greeted by a hostess, the typical hospitable Thai style. I handed the driver his money and thanked him. He said, "I wait for you?" I started to say not to worry, but then thought about the deserted road and wondered how I would find a ride back. Yes, he was motivated by money, but I appreciated his offer nonetheless. I said, "Two hours."

I could write an entire post of the beauty of the Garden, but I'll just leave it at that. After two hours, I exited, and there was my driver, right where he said he would be. I told him I wanted to go back to Jungceylon Mall in Patong. I don't usually frequent malls, but the free toilets and air conditioning beckoned. I asked how much it would cost and he said, "500 baht." I didn't try to negotiate, as I was just grateful he was willing to wait. He delivered me safely to the mall.

Trust has played a fundamental role in this trip. From trusting that Airbnb locations will meet their descriptions to trusting that people will keep their word, it really is a necessity. Americans are typically skeptical of others as a result of watching the nightly news. Of course, trust your instinct, but if you walk around paranoid, questioning every person's motive, you won't enjoy yourself. That's why it's essential to experience different cultures, so you can form your own opinion.

The Isty Bitsy Spider

Overseas Adventure Travel continues to receive my business because they seek out and plan unique cultural experiences for their travellers. We travelled overland from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap, Cambodia in a small bus with no shock absorbers. Along the way, we stopped at "spider village" in Skuon. We arrived at a home where a woman approached us with a metal bowl full of tarantulas. 

As we were walking toward the harvest site of the tarantulas, a little girl of about 10 years took my hand. She asked my name and we chatted as we walked toward the tarantula den. I noticed she was admiring my watch, which is a cheapie inconspicuous watch I purchased at Target, exclusively for travel. I thought, "I should give it to her. I've always regretted not giving that Peruvian girl the bracelet she admired." Suddenly, I heard a voice, more like a growl, say, "You give me this!" It wasn't Regan from The Exorcist. It was this little girl! Her nails dug into my hand as she spoke. Moni, one of my travel mates, said, "How sweet! You've made a little friend!" I muttered, "Just wait until I tell you what she's saying." 

After we learned how to defang a tarantula, we walked back toward the house. The entire way, the growl continued, "You give me one dollar! One dollar!" No one else heard this! I tried to ask her some questions, but she had money on the mind.

It became apparent that we were going to cook and eat these tarantulas, so I got out my hand sanitizer. I offered some to my demonic friend, and it seemed to take her mind off extortion for the moment. Within minutes, I was surrounded by about six or seven children, all with their palms extended. I squeezed a drop of hand sanitizer in each of their hands. They rubbed their hands together and inhaled the tangerine scent simultaneously and incredulously. I recalled the scene from Airplane in which Elaine educated the Malumbos about Tupperware.

We sampled the tarantulas and shared them with the children. My little friend remained by my side, still eyeing my watch. As we walked toward the bus to depart, she became fanatical. "One dollar! One dollar! One dollar!" I smiled at her and said, "It was very nice to meet you. Goodbye!" At this, she shot me a dirty look, spun on her heel, and stormed off. I wondered where she had learned this behavior.

I don't mind helping people who need it. I know my new acquaintance was an impoverished little girl, but I just couldn't give in to her pressure. What was really on display here was the assumption that Americans, or any tourists, are affluent with funds to spare. Obviously, this little girl had been indulged by previous visitors and had learned the system. My hope for her, besides receiving an education, is that she creates a handmade trinket for her future visitors, in exchange for the "one dollar".

Scavenger Hunt in Bangkok

I've wanted to travel to Thailand ever since my grandma showed me her gold nail extensions that are worn by Thai dancers. My travel plans took me elsewhere until this year, when I decided to travel to Australia for four months. I thought since I would be in the neighborhood, I would swing by Thailand. I was apprehensive about travelling there as a single woman, so I booked a tour. While on the tour, I realized just how exotic the country seemed and decided to extend my stay. I had already booked a short group trip to Cambodia, which served as my "visa run". The group was scheduled to leave our hotel for our flight to Cambodia at 10:30 A.M. After enough procrastination, I called the local Qantas office at about 8:30 A.M. The rep said the flight I wanted was available, but she needed to run my credit card in the office. Conveniently, the office was just down the street from the hotel. I told her I'd be right there. I was scheduled to fly back to Sydney the day after we returned from Cambodia, so I had no choice. I finished packing quickly and ran down to breakfast, where my travel mates were leisurely enjoying their coffee and tea. They were confident I would make it back in time. I wasn't so sure. I told the bell boy where I needed to go, and asked whether I should walk or take a taxi. "Oh, walking," he said. "Five minutes." There is no problem with walking in Thailand until the sidewalk mysteriously ends or you need to cross the street. I knew I needed to cross the street to get to this location. I summoned the fearlessness that is required when crossing a Bangkok street, and was on my way. 

I was walking down Surawong Road toward Rama IV, and thought it would be a good idea to use the crosswalk at the intersection. First rule of Bangkok street crossing: Cross when you can. Never wait for the crosswalk, because the cars might stop for you but the motorbikes certainly won't stop. They'll just honk until YOU move out of the way. Once you learn this system, all is well. Miraculously, when I got to the crosswalk, all cars were stopped in all directions. Though there are no crossing signals for pedestrians, the traffic lights are accompanied by this ingenious little countdown clock. It lets you know how many seconds you have left to wait (red) and how many seconds you have to proceed through the intersection (green), though some drivers still don't abide by the clock. A few seconds remained on the countdown clock, so I ran like a maniac across the intersection. Sure enough, here came a herd of motorbikes, just as I reached the sidewalk. Where do they come from?!? Now that my first mission was accomplished, I focused on finding the "Charn Issara Tower" building. The rep said the office was located on the 22nd floor, so I examined the front of every tall building I saw. That might sound easy enough, but in Bangkok, you really must watch your step as well. I always try to scan about three feet in front of me for uneven pavement, urine puddles (human or canine), stray animals, or street vendors. When I got closer to Silom Road, which I knew already because of the mall, I started asking people for directions. Since address numbers are nonexistent on the buildings, it's better to ask. At Silom and Rama IV there are skyways to ferry pedestrians across that major intersection. Back and forth I went, enquiring along the way. Everyone was pointing in the general direction I needed to go, but I still couldn't find the tower. I found a tower that looked like it had 22 floors and said something about travel on the plaque. I rode the glass elevator up to the 22nd floor and exited. It was completely deserted and the elevator had already departed. Whenever I get in a precarious situation such as this, I launch into my determined mode. The elevator returned, I made it down to the ground floor, and I looked at my watch. 9:40!!! We were supposed to have our luggage out at 10:00 and I still needed to settle a bill with the hotel before departure. 

I thought, "Maybe this is a sign I should return to Sydney." Then I persisted, "NO! That defeats the whole purpose of vagabonding/adventure travel!" The purpose is to plan on a whim and avoid as much scheduling and convention as possible. I walked very slowly down Rama IV, back toward Surawong, and sure enough, there it was, set back from the street, exactly in the direction those helpful Thais had pointed. I entered the lobby and was examining the plaque to ensure I was correct when a security guard approached and said, "British Airways?" I responded, "No, Qantas." "22nd floor," he said. After a "khob khun ka" (thank you), I was at the elevator. I swung open the door to Qantas, absolutely saturated in sweat, and was greeted by the woman I spoke to on the phone. She took care of everything in about five minutes, and I was on my way back to the hotel, where I arrived just after 10:00.

Bangkok gives you a jolt of culture shock, but once you learn the customs and open up to the adventure, you realize its splendor. In retrospect, if the Qantas rep had been able to process my credit card over the phone or if I had found my destination as quickly as I should have, I would have missed out on some incredible cultural interaction.